In which Everything returns to musicals

Note, if you will, the timestamp. It is.not incorrect.

My iPod battery is drained. It is old enough that watching a movie is enough to do that. So... No staring at the ceiling listening to music.

I tried talking to God or the Universe or whoever was listening. Acutely aware of my body - hip, knees, back, bad enough to ping my roommate for ibuprofen; uterus trying halfheartedly to kill me; brain spiraling into familiar ruts of depression - I ended up quoting from Evita. What is the good of the strongest heart in a body that's falling apart? A serious flaw, I hope you know that.

and then somehow I was musing on what might have been, except a part of me thinks I would be just as much a failure if I were normal, just with less excuse. But I have to believe that the universe has some sort of use for me, even if I can't think what. Which turned into yet, not my will but thine, which turned into chastising myself for the hubris of the comparison at the same time as I was pulling up the Gethsemane track of JCS...

I mouthed along with some of it. Not all; listen, surely I've exceeded expectations is kind of a laugh applied to me.

but then I got to the next line - after all, I've tried for three years, seems like thirty - and I just about lost it crying. Because three years is a term on session and I am officially done as of last Tuesday. As I understand it I will always be an Elder, never mind that I never felt like one, but not active. And I am so far beyond burnt out it isn't even funny. Seems like thirty...

And I'm kind of floundering because I love the people in my church but I am kind of exhausted by being the Voice of the Mobility Impaired. Someone has to do it, but why me?

Except ... Idk. I don't know where I was going with all this. Maybe I should see if sleep is still being elusive.

mmph

bad side about being awake until 5 or so /and/ having someone scheduled to come get you up in the morning: hello not enough sleep.

(at least I had already asked her to come at 11, instead of her usual 9:30. yay sleeping in! or, in this case, yay getting barely enough sleep to function as a human being.)

good side, such as it is: I remember my dreams better.

One was a TV show mystery drama, where the protagonist was either Castle or this kind of hot Korean detective (it fluctuated, in the way dreams do, between the two.) He was checking out a crime scene, and he lay down where the victim had been, which was in the kitchen with his head half under some cabinets, and he noticed some distinctive scratches in the cabinet doors that matched a set of ceremonial knife-sword-things the guy had, but in reaching for one he cut his finger on one of the (apparently super-sharp) blades, and it wasn't a serious cut but blood started welling up and he was trying to cup his hands to keep it contained but it probably contaminated the crime scene and then after he washed it off, the camera cut to his ex-wife who was with some friends and kind of laughingly showing off an accidental cut on her forehead, and I realized that the show was setting up some sort of Complication where the protagonist would be accused of attacking his ex-wife and of killing the victim because his blood was at the scene.

...yeah.

And the other dream was about knitting -- I wanted to make scarves for waldo's ferrets (Logi was inexplicably albino?) and I was trying to figure out what colors would work best for them; and I figured the fastest way of doing it would be on a Knifty Knitter loom; but as I was getting started my mom came by and was saying how "studies have shown" that loom-knit fabric may look like knitted fabric but that the rows would unravel because they weren't really connected, and also it had an unstable edge because *proper* knitting cast-ons had both the caston and the first row of knitting, whereas this was just the caston, and I was trying to explain the different sorts of cast-ons (long-tail cast on does include a row of knitting in addition to the caston foundation, but others don't) but she wasn't listening because she knew better or something.

...and I was, /in the dream/, trying to figure out which Ravelry forum to post on.

HydraIRC questions

So I have finally gotten fed up enough with mIRC's nagging that I am switching to Hydra to see if that works. (Tried Chatzilla, but my browser crashes too often for that.)

However I am finding myself a little confused about how to do some of the things I want.

1) Autoconnect on startup - I have my channels favorited; is it just a matter of selecting those?

2) Auto-ident. I have mIRC set up to automatically perform a nickserv ident when I join. Does Hydra have the same option?

3) Highlight terms. Where can I set them and how does Hydra deal with it?

4) What am I not thinking of?

fuck all this shit anyway

this is the text of an email I just sent to my dad.



so in addition to everything ELSE that's going wrong with the chair?

half the freaking seatbelt just fell off.

(not entirely sure what the problem is. from what [my PA] was saying it sounds like there is a screw that screws through the base of the seatbelt anchor and locks into a thingie in the chair, and the thingie in the chair has vanished mysteriously, so it has nothing to screw to so it doesn't stay attached.)

...in some respects this is more of an inconvenience (and a "where the hell am I going to anchor my phome" issue) than a safety thing because of the NOT GOING ANYWERE thing, which I am VASTLY sick of; but it is something that should be fixed and I don't know how to fix it and I am kind of flaily and it doesn't help that I didn't get to sleep until somewhere around 5 last night and did I mention there's a minor FOP flareup going on in my right thigh/butt?

...and did I mention that I sort of managed to make a hole (well, dent) in the bathroom wall with my knee?

(...and did I mention I am running out of ways to cope arghflail)