(no subject)

Monkey is gone.

I'm not entirely surprised -- she was 16, and she'd been acting odd the past few days, that didn't seem enough to warrant a vet but in retrospect add up -- and it doesn't really hurt yet.

As I posted on twitter--

Good night, sweet girl. You were the bestest cranky-faced dowager-countess purr machine. Thank you for ten years of love. (It wasn't enough. It never is. Losing friends *sucks*.)

I'm going to miss the yelling demands for food' and the shelf redecorations, and the headbutts, and the way you sat in my way refusing to move. I'm going to miss you taking over the printer (which was clearly an expensive cat bed). I'm going to miss meowing back at you.

Love you always.

(no subject)

I miss Monkey way more than it feels like I "should" ... I couldn't really interact physically, she wasn't ever really a lap cat, I'm pretty sure she was deaf by the end (not that I stopped meowing back at her), and I knew she was old. But it hurts and I miss her near-constant purr. It feels too quiet. There's still animal noise, and there's still cat presence because Loki -- he usually is in my bedroom though, and I don't know if that's because Monkey had claimed the living room (therefore he might come out more?) or because he prefers it (therefore he won't).

I knew this was coming and I still hurt.

I try to tell myself I eventually got over losing Suri (see icon), so I'll get through this too, but also I'm not getting another cat (3 animals is already A Lot) whereas I think getting Monkey helped with losing Suri .... rationally I know it'll get easier with time

(but I want it easier now)

(actually if it were easier I'd be beating myself up for not caring enough)

but it still just hurts