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Apr. 3rd, 2015 07:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobelteal deer: I miss seders, and sometimes wonder if I chose wrong
Growing up, my sister and I weren't taken to any organized religious arenas (synagogues, churches, mosques, temples, whatever) but were brought up bi-religious, with the fundamentals of both Judaism ("via" my dad, who was raised Jewish) and Christianity ("via" my mom, who was raised ... Lutheran? Methodist? Something Midwestern-Christian-Protestantish). Which was awesome because we had twice as many holidays, but it always, always included a seder, usually hosted by a friend of my mom's.
Both my sister and I were allowed to choose our own paths with regard to religion. She tried various stuff, including formal conversion to Judaism (which is officially matrilineal). I sort of accidentally ended up Presbyterian, and right now I -- most of the time -- self identify as Christian, if asked. If only because the world needs more queer-friendly Christians. And now I have a community at that church, and they are loving and supportive and I may not agree with everything Presbyterian but it's where I am.
But sometimes, I miss being bi-religious. I miss that you can't really be both. I miss the seders (except the person we knew who hosted them doesn't host any more, in part due to health issues, and anyway her husband divorced her and I don't really like who she's turned into, and *anyway* her house isn't accessible) and I miss the hanukkah lights and I miss the other things we did and I *really fucking miss the seders*
I don't know why, I just do.
Right now I am not at Good Friday services (because sick) and I am not at a seder (because sick and also nowhere to go and also I don't really belong) and there is a lonely wistful part of me that says *but what if I wanted to convert to Judiasm" but I'm too shy and too attached to the church-I-go-to and
dangit
(now I'm crying)
Growing up, my sister and I weren't taken to any organized religious arenas (synagogues, churches, mosques, temples, whatever) but were brought up bi-religious, with the fundamentals of both Judaism ("via" my dad, who was raised Jewish) and Christianity ("via" my mom, who was raised ... Lutheran? Methodist? Something Midwestern-Christian-Protestantish). Which was awesome because we had twice as many holidays, but it always, always included a seder, usually hosted by a friend of my mom's.
Both my sister and I were allowed to choose our own paths with regard to religion. She tried various stuff, including formal conversion to Judaism (which is officially matrilineal). I sort of accidentally ended up Presbyterian, and right now I -- most of the time -- self identify as Christian, if asked. If only because the world needs more queer-friendly Christians. And now I have a community at that church, and they are loving and supportive and I may not agree with everything Presbyterian but it's where I am.
But sometimes, I miss being bi-religious. I miss that you can't really be both. I miss the seders (except the person we knew who hosted them doesn't host any more, in part due to health issues, and anyway her husband divorced her and I don't really like who she's turned into, and *anyway* her house isn't accessible) and I miss the hanukkah lights and I miss the other things we did and I *really fucking miss the seders*
I don't know why, I just do.
Right now I am not at Good Friday services (because sick) and I am not at a seder (because sick and also nowhere to go and also I don't really belong) and there is a lonely wistful part of me that says *but what if I wanted to convert to Judiasm" but I'm too shy and too attached to the church-I-go-to and
dangit
(now I'm crying)
no subject
Date: 2015-04-04 04:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-04-07 09:52 am (UTC)