Chorus dilemma
Aug. 14th, 2017 08:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobelIn addition to everything else going on in my life (migraines, fatigue issues still, having to find new roommate, my mom is moving and therefore stressier than normal, etc -- oh, and something church related, a committee that I am halfway through a theee year term on, has me going "nononono" like that one cat, so I'm having to figure out how to respect my reaction and boundaries there without being an asshole to the other committee members and-or drowning in guilt -- but that's another story), I have a dilemma re chorus.
There are two choirs I could sing with this coming year, and I don’t have energy to do both. (I don’t know for sure that I have energy for either, tbh.)
Choir A has good rehearsal times (twice a week 4-6), only three concerts a year (Dec, Mar, June), performs at the Mondavi Center, and is free ... but the repertoire for this year is uninspired and dreary, the director is close to retirement and so doesn't have many fucks left to give and therefore isn’t as good as he used to be, and honestly the group hasn’t really been fun to sing with the last few years.
Choir B has an awesome director, and the planned repertoire for the year is amazing (including the mozart requiem, which is practically a must-sing for me) ... but it meets 7-9:30 (only once a week, but I’ve been going to bed at like 8), it’s $65 a semester, I don’t like the rehearsal location, December is crazy with concerts, and there’s an obligatory citrus sale drive every year (like Girl Scout cookie sales but eat less cute or yummy).
Some of these are bigger issues than others (e.g. I can probably get my dad to cover the cost* for choir B), but.
I don’t know what to do.
...What would be ideal is for choir B’s director to come do choir B’s repertoire with choir A, but that’s not possible.
I also don't know how much of my fatigue issues are self-creating. Not just because my Inner Critic likes calling me lazy, but because I've gotten out of the habit of Doing Things, and I'm enough of an introvert that socializing is kind of a mental muscle. It's like when you have the flu and sleep for a week and then spend a while super weak and wobbly because your body got out of the habit of doing.
...sigh.
* footnote thingie, not related to choir: I've been doing reiki, which is sort of an energy manipulation not-quite-massage thing that I'm working on a post about, and I'm doing extra reiki during the roommate transition thing -- whether or not it's "real", it really does help me with stress. I'm doing it through the church, which has scholarship funds for people who want reiki but can't afford it, so I asked and got way more of a discount than I was expecting. Except my mom -- who doesn't even know how much of it I'm scholarshipping, just that I'm getting some scholarship help -- thinks that my dad can damn well afford reiki, and has this way of, like, guilting me *and* being snide about my dad st the same time. And on the one hand I do kind of see her point -- though my dad would probably be skeptical as all get-out at reiki as a concept, much less spending money on it, so I don't want to ask him, and really I'm getting Charity regardless of whether it's my dad or the church, and I think the church people like helping me -- but omfg I wish I knew how to tell her to NOT DO THAT AUGH WTF
Though a bigger priority is getting her to stop making snarky comments about how chubby nephling is. He's a fucking baby, chubby is *good*, he does not need to "slim down" ffs. ::rageface::
There are two choirs I could sing with this coming year, and I don’t have energy to do both. (I don’t know for sure that I have energy for either, tbh.)
Choir A has good rehearsal times (twice a week 4-6), only three concerts a year (Dec, Mar, June), performs at the Mondavi Center, and is free ... but the repertoire for this year is uninspired and dreary, the director is close to retirement and so doesn't have many fucks left to give and therefore isn’t as good as he used to be, and honestly the group hasn’t really been fun to sing with the last few years.
Choir B has an awesome director, and the planned repertoire for the year is amazing (including the mozart requiem, which is practically a must-sing for me) ... but it meets 7-9:30 (only once a week, but I’ve been going to bed at like 8), it’s $65 a semester, I don’t like the rehearsal location, December is crazy with concerts, and there’s an obligatory citrus sale drive every year (like Girl Scout cookie sales but eat less cute or yummy).
Some of these are bigger issues than others (e.g. I can probably get my dad to cover the cost* for choir B), but.
I don’t know what to do.
...What would be ideal is for choir B’s director to come do choir B’s repertoire with choir A, but that’s not possible.
I also don't know how much of my fatigue issues are self-creating. Not just because my Inner Critic likes calling me lazy, but because I've gotten out of the habit of Doing Things, and I'm enough of an introvert that socializing is kind of a mental muscle. It's like when you have the flu and sleep for a week and then spend a while super weak and wobbly because your body got out of the habit of doing.
...sigh.
* footnote thingie, not related to choir: I've been doing reiki, which is sort of an energy manipulation not-quite-massage thing that I'm working on a post about, and I'm doing extra reiki during the roommate transition thing -- whether or not it's "real", it really does help me with stress. I'm doing it through the church, which has scholarship funds for people who want reiki but can't afford it, so I asked and got way more of a discount than I was expecting. Except my mom -- who doesn't even know how much of it I'm scholarshipping, just that I'm getting some scholarship help -- thinks that my dad can damn well afford reiki, and has this way of, like, guilting me *and* being snide about my dad st the same time. And on the one hand I do kind of see her point -- though my dad would probably be skeptical as all get-out at reiki as a concept, much less spending money on it, so I don't want to ask him, and really I'm getting Charity regardless of whether it's my dad or the church, and I think the church people like helping me -- but omfg I wish I knew how to tell her to NOT DO THAT AUGH WTF
Though a bigger priority is getting her to stop making snarky comments about how chubby nephling is. He's a fucking baby, chubby is *good*, he does not need to "slim down" ffs. ::rageface::
no subject
Date: 2017-08-15 04:34 am (UTC)Anyway, beyond that: I'm a helplessly woo asshole over here with some pretty out there beliefs, so it might not be worth much, BUT. I 100% believe reiki can help people above and beyond the value of someone spending concentrated time with them and giving them a space to safely relax (and that value ALONE is not actually trivial). If you qualify for the assistance, then the people at your church WANT to give you assistance. You are in NO WAY taking advantage of anyone. Seriously NO ONE is offering their services in a program like that who doesn't want people who need the services to get it regardless of Any Exact Personal Financial Details. The fact that there's someone out there you could ask to pay doesn't mean that it's fair or reasonable to expect you to ask them, and the people in a program like that KNOW that.
I know you have a lot going on, but: I'm still here, and reading, and yeah. <3
no subject
Date: 2017-08-15 05:10 am (UTC)Reiki definitely has an effect for me -- and the Skeptical Asshat in my head is going "yeah but how much of that is just lying quietly for an hour, I mean really" -- but for one thing even just lying in a quiet space *with someone touching me* is huge (and even though I get touch from my aides, and as many hugs as I want from my mom, I am kind of starved for meaningful touch, which reiki provides in spades without the dangers of deep massage), and for another thing even if it were entirely placebo effect, which I don't think it is, it's still an effect.
But I definitely feel better after sessions. And am less cranky and snappish, and feel lighter, and hurt less overall.
My dad ... I don't know for sure that he'd fall on the skeptic side, but he tends towards Being Realistic and such. (My mom is more of a woo person, to the point of wanting to go see Sylvia Brown after her dad died, ugh.) I *can* defend reiki to him, but I don't want to have to, yknow? And the person giving me Reiki was very much "hint hint we have scholarships please use them" at me. So ... I mean, yeah, my mom's kind of being an ass with that. It's not even like I was all "GIB ME REIKI FOR FREE OR I WILL POUT"; I let *them* set the terms of how much of it I pay. I'm happy with the arrangement. My mom ... likes to gripe.
But reiki is seriously awesome. And when my mom isn't complaining about money, it's a good bonding activity for us -- one of the reiki things we have is a two-at-a-time Reiki session once a month, with two practitioners and two clients, and so it's a thing we do "together" that doesn't really involve interacting much. (I also am having private sessions right now; when I found out about the thing with my roommate moving, one of the first things I did, after flailing by email at my therapist, was flail by email at one of my reiki people, who completely understood and wants me to be getting it about four times s month while I'm in the stressful transition period, and I am *not* arguing.)
no subject
Date: 2017-08-16 01:49 am (UTC)(I was pirate-attuned to Reiki by a friend over ten years ago. It's a distinct source from the usual energy firehose I tap into when I'm using energy external from myself; sort of more mint-flavored, and connecting up my spine like the Matrix rather than in through the top of my head. The folks getting the DRM-ed kind have sigils and stuff, I believe, that go with the things, but I seem to ... not.)
no subject
Date: 2017-08-15 04:08 pm (UTC)