i hear the voices when I'm dreaming

A thing I saw on Twitter has me writing again -- fuck knows how long it's been -- but I'd forgotten how hard writing is. I don't just mean in the usual sense, though there's that too. I mean the physical act. I'd forgotten, by which I mean I'd avoided thinking about the fact that what keeps me quiet on my blog would apply doubly to stories.

I can't hand write (that's been the case for years). I haven't figured out a good way to type on a standard keyboard, so writing on the computer is done via mouse and on-screen keyboard. Slow and prone to typos. On the phone I'm faster but there's still lots of errors and autocarrot issues. And on the tablet, which I'm currently using, it's old enough that it has issues recognizing taps sometimes. Which means that I have to type basically twice as much.

For example, the opening line

Truth is as liquid as the ocean, and twice as deceptive.

actually involves this amount of key-jabbing, using \ to indicate backspace and leaving (usually auto fixed) typos un-corrected:

Truth\\uuutth is as iwuid\\\\\ lllliquid as tge\\he ovean, annnnnnnnd fwice as deceotiiive

...which is slow and frustrating and actually not good for *getting words out*.

But hey, I have the opening (checks) five paragraphs, and it only took half an hour.

The last couple of days have been ... miserable.

Yesterday I got tired of my iPad (which I mostly use in bed) nagging me about updating the iOS, so I backed it up and then tried to update. Which required updating iTunes first, rebooting the computer, and *then* doing the iPad update.

...except it wouldn't. It stalled out and gave error 2003, and meanwhile the iPad was stuck in recovery mode, therefore unusable.

Cue google searches and various unsuccessful attempts to get it working.

Three hours later, literally in tears, I called Apple support, who said that 2003 was an odd error message (it was in the range of USB errors but not one of the usual ones. He suggested rebooting the computer ... which of course decided that was the perfect time to apply updates ... and when it finally got in my control and I went into iTunes, updating of course still didn't work, so he said maybe try a different cord, or else bring it in to an Apple Store for help.

...the closest Apple Store (I have no idea why my autocarrot is capitalizing that) is in Sacramento.

I didn't have a spare cord.

My dad probably did, but wouldn't have been able to come until today. And while some usage of the iPad is optional (reading, Netflix, games, etc) i really really need music to help me get to sleep, since it gives me something other than brainweasels to listen to. And boy howdy were the 'weasels active, because of how "I" fucked up the iPad.

At this point -- around 8pm, well after I'm usually in bed (because it's way more comfortable than sitting upright) -- I was pretty much in meltdown, and hating myself for it, because it’s such a first world problem and most people sleep perfectly fine without iPads. Not that hating myself did anything helpful like stop me from crying.

My evening aide offered to have her ... er, gentleman friend ... run out to Walmart (which is about 25min drive away but it's open 24/7) and pick up some cords. I was desperate enough to say yes; and of course I couldn't go to bed because I needed to be able to sync up the iPad once the cords got here, and there was a good chance it would require my Apple ID password.

Hour (and some chocolate) later, cords arrive. And they work. But at this point the iPad is fucked up enough that it required full reset to factory defaults and then restoring from backup.

OS installs correctly. Backup requires my password, then starts ...

...time remaining: one hour.

:sob:

I finally got to bed at 11:30, and then had to do all the stupid "new"-iPad setup before I could get to the music. Plus I was in post-meltdown crap mode that "naturally" included suicidal ideation and then hating myself for getting that upset over a stupid tablet.

It was maybe 2:30 before I got completely to sleep.

...meanwhile, to add insult to injury, the yarn I was using for the newest project wasn't enough to complete the project, and the sensible thing is to start over with a different green yarn that I have, but I really just wanted more of the yarn I was already using. So I did end up ordering it today as a reward for surviving yesterday. It’s stupid but at least the thing I’m making will be cute. (its a cactus bunny. I am in a cactusy mood.(

Today hasn’t been fun. I’m more tired than usual, and kind of in meltdown hangover. And not all of my games are behaving; one is treating me like a new player, and I tried logging in with the various sets of passwords I use for mobile games in combination with the three emails I might have used but nothing worked. It’s not one I spent money on, so I could theoretically just start over, but losing progress and starting over is just ... discouraging.

(And there’s one game I still miss that flat out won’t work in os11 because the app is too old and un~updated. There’s a different app with a similar concept but instead of being a daily free puzzle it’s done as packs, some free and some that you buy, and it’s just less fun that way. Sulk.)

I got permission to install stuff on the borrowed laptop. And so I did, figuring running one thing at a time might be okay.

But I keep having problems.

Like, totally forgetting server information for the various IRC chats I'm in. (wow, dw stuff, gw, yuletide.) Can someone plz comment with info? Anon comments are screened. ETA: Found info for, and am on, dw and gw IRCs. yuletide and wow probably less critical. and omg people. *clings*

And, like. Er. I finally caved out of desperation and installed Guild Wars so I could smash /something/ in the face (and I could manage GW with less downloadiness than WoW). Except. Uh. I'm getting a "Can't do 3D *thpbt*" error that points me to http://www.guildwars.com/support/en-3dinitializationerror.php - and directx is updated, but also claims 3D is not avialable, which leaves the video driver as the problem. I go to Device Manager, and to the display driver (ATI Radeon 9000), and try to update from there; it searches, and "installs", and then tells me to insert the "ATI Technologies Inc. Installation" CD, which I do not have. And I can't find anything on the internets that is both helpful and reliable. And and and.

*cries*

(I sound frightfully stupid whinging about a video game; but it's one of my coping mechanisms, more or less, and I waaaaant.)

... just before I left for chorus, my computer (laptop) froze up, screen went black for a sec, then came back with an alert about how the display driver had been not responding but was fixed now.

Pressing the ok button on that alert made things spaz a bit, but as I was leaving for chorus, I paid it little heed.

Until I got back. And it was in its cthulhu-only-knows-th repetition of bsod + auto-reboot + bsod + reboot + bsod...

Trying to boot Windows normally? bsod + reboot.

Trying to boot it in last known safe config? bsod + reboot.

Booting it in safe mode? Works, for some definition of working, in that there are vertical magenta stripes in neat little columns repeating across the screen. Also, I can't run very many programs. Or really do much of anything. (Can't access gmail, f'rinstance; it crashes the browser.)

Appasrently, I managed to fry my display driver, and equally apparently, that is not a good thing.

*makes strangled noises of arghitude*

So:

1) I effectively do not have computer right now. I plan on calling my local repair place in the morning, but I have no clue if this is fixable.

2) Until further notice, this means I am not reading DW or LJ, I will not be posting* much, and I can't guarantee I will see any comments or email that is sent to me.

(* with the exception of tomorrow, wherein I will post either a "yay fixed" message about my chair, to be elaborated upon later, or an "omg diaf wtmf" message about my repair company, again to be elaborated upon later. [That update will be post-by-email from my phone, so I will be highly limited in elaborative space.)

3) If it can't be fixed quickly, heads-up to peas: there is /no/ way I can run WoW at all, let alone heal raid. Granted, if I am computerless through thursday I will have gone insane, but.

4) If you posilutely absotively have to reach me, find someone that has RL contact info for me.

Nyeeeeeeeergh. *bangs head against wall* I so did not need this...